The Cancer is Zapped

At my full body scan today I was told that it looks like the cancer hadn't spread elsewhere and the rest of potential cancer areas in my neck were zapped. From here I can expect to have periodic checks through scans, thyroglobulin levels tested (a blood test), or ultrasounds to make sure the cancer doesn't return. Most likely if my thyroid hormone replacement, Synthroid, stays regulated I shouldn't see the cancer come back. YAY!!

Home!

It was so great to get home and hold my girls again! I missed them. Violet took a bit of looking at me to figure out that I really was there, then she kept giving me big bear hugs and kisses :). They were so well taken care of by their Daddy and Grandma Jana.

We love these girls!

Happy

My mantra that has gotten me through so much in the past few months is: "Do not fear. Be of good cheer. For I, the Lord am with you and stand by you."

It's adapted from D&C 68:6. When I first read this in a talk by Pres. Monson it hit me hard, and I knew it was for me. It took a while for it to simmer in my mind. How in the world could I be of "good cheer" at a time like this? When so much in my life was falling apart and there where so many emotionally painful moments from the cancer and from other really hard things going on. Then one day the answer came, "because Jesus Christ has overcome the world." D&C 16:33 (These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.)

I didn't understand at first, but over a few months I tried trusting Him and not my fears. I tried choosing to be happy and enjoy the good in my life. It was super hard.

Weeks after trying to be happy, Taylor and I had a big discussion about happiness. He said that he had come to the realization that happiness is using your agency wisely. When you look at life and think about all the unknown and all that you can't control it gets really frustrating. But if you look at it knowing that the only thing you can control is how you RESPOND to everything that happens. This was a game changer for me. The only thing I can control is how I respond?! What?! We had quite the talk. I emerged feeling in control of myself, excited, no...giddy! I had found a huge answer to happiness. Choice in how I respond to everyone and everything was the only thing I have the responsibility to control. It's so simple. So beautiful.

From that moment of realization on, when I would start getting frustrated at something or someone, or a big hairy fear came, my talk with Taylor would eventually would to mind and I would feel in control of myself again. I can't even fully explain how excited and happy it makes me feel! Maybe not always in the moment of decision, but after I respond (especially if what I chose was in line with what I understand to be true).

So great!

2 Nephi 2 has a lot to say about this.

I believe the Savior has been standing near me during the hard and the good. I believe I can be of good cheer because of what He's done and keeps doing for me.  Whenever I give him one of my sins or ask him to carry something with me, I feel his willingness, his love. I believe in him. I believe he has power to help me overcome this world, one piece at a time.

RAI

I drove to the Auburn Multicare Medical Center on Friday morning to have a final consultation with the nuclear medicine doctor in charge of my case and to take a radioactive iodine (RAI) pill.

The pill came in a UFO looking metal container that the tech unscrewed the heavy metal lid, then pulled out an inner plastic container with tweezers. She opened it and poured the contents into a small pill cup. I looked in and saw a small metal looking pill. Here we go. I downed it with two paper cups full of water, then they sent me on my way.

I drove my car packed with the things I'd need for the next 5 days of isolation to my sister-in-law's empty house in Snoqualmie, WA. Just a short distance from my house. Day 1 and 2 were a little rough. I felt nauseated and cold symptoms(I woke up with a cold Friday morning-- awesome!). I relaxed and slept a lot though, which made it go by pretty quick. I had to drink a lot of water to flush the excess radiation out of my system.

I've been reading, watching "Little Men" on Netflix, updating my blog, talking on the phone and enjoying walks outdoors. It was a beautiful 60 something degree weather yesterday. I walked and read for hours outside. I also LOVED playing games and reading stories to Nelli over Skype. She ate her mac & cheese dinner and we talked. It was like I was there for a while during the normal activities of the day. Later that day, my parents in Utah called on Skype and I got to talk with my niece, Lucy, and nephew, Porter, as well as some of my siblings, Sam, Es, Anna, Dan, Ashley, and my parents.

Taylor came and spent time with me last night. We watched a few tv shows across the couch from each other (everyone has to stay 3' away), then he slept in a different room in the house. He was here! I loved seeing his face. I loved knowing he was here! :)

It was hard to see him go this morning. I cried, even though I know he'll come visit me tomorrow. I miss him. I miss taking care of my girls and my house. Heck, I even miss changing Vi's diaper. The best thing is that it won't last much longer :). 2 days from right now to go. I've been planning things to do with them when we will be together and it really helps with the longing; things like family bike rides, April Fool's Day pranks, family trips, etc.

It's really comforting to know that my girls are in great hands with their Daddy, Grandma and Grandpa, who love them so much. Grandpa and Grandma say that all the little things of taking care of little ones just comes back to them as they go along.

Grandma Jana loves playing games with the girls.

 

 

Grandpa and Daddy just finished getting the girls ready for church.


 

Joy Along the Way

 

11 Days post-thyroidectomy.

Can you believe that scar? I'm amazed at what surgeons can do.

 

 

As I wrote the blog post about my thyroid cancer it made me realize that so many wonderful things have accompanied the hard and the bad. My family has been through a lot in the past few months and yet there have been beautiful moments of joy and hope. It's easy in times of stress to say and do mean things. I thought I would share some of the things that have made the joyful moments possible. First of all, I believe in Jesus Christ. I believe he has power to help and to heal.

I'll start with a big one: forgiveness. Christ taught, "For if ye forgive men their trespasses your Heavenly Father will also forgive you." ( Nephi 13:14) There is so much power in forgiveness to heal relationships and bring peace.

Forgiving is one of Taylor's strengths. I'm amazed how fast he can go from being upset to a state of peace and calm -- even thought the problem is still there! He's the first to let it go and forgive me when we argue. I see the change in his face and approach and suddenly there's hope for the situation. I used to hate it. Thinking that he didn't see how big of a deal it was. Now I respect it and want to do it too.

When Violet flings her arms and hits my neck or Nelli hits my head with a toy on accident it's easy to say or think, " I forgive you". This tells me that when forgiving is hard, I may be judging others' intentions.

Forgiveness is a process. Sometimes I have to forgive over and over again in my heart. Especially when the fear of it happening again comes to my mind. I believe that even though it is heart wrenchingly hard to do, God will provide a way (1 Nephi 3:7). He will show us the path to forgive if we truly want to. He's helped me multiple times to find that path.

We've been teaching Nelli for a while now that when someone says, "I'm sorry" we say, "I forgive you" in a chipper voice and move on. It's so simple. so beautiful.

I love how it feels to know that someone is not carrying the burden of my mistake. To feel that they have let it go and are letting me change and be better next time is a beautiful feeling. There is room for hope there is room for improvement. I want to do that for others and... myself.

 

 

Thyroid Cancer

 

I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer on January 3, 2013.

The process all began a little over a year ago when I had the routine blood tests done for pregnancy, I was referred to an endocrinologist on account that my TSH was at 12 and they like to see it between 1-2. I saw a Dr. Eskandari in Kirkland, WA up until we bought a house and moved to Covington, WA. Then I started seeing Dr. Mercado who could treat me there. At my first appointment of December 2013 she felt a lump on my thyroid and wanted me to get an ultrasound to get it checked. Dr. Mercado said it was probably nothing, but sometimes they can be cancerous and getting an ultrasound on it would let us know. I got the ultrasound appointment and told Taylor. I don't think he heard me tell him because when I told him the day of the ultrasound, a week later, he was shocked and got a little worried. It was a pretty quick procedure and I remember the tech telling me that the lump would be swollen for a while. When I drove out of the parking lot I remember thinking, "I can do this! This is just my physical body." I felt confidant and like this was a blessing to catch it now if it was cancer.

A few days later I got a call from Dr. Mercado's office saying that an order was put in to a radiologist in Tacoma to have a fine needle aspiration (a biopsy) done on the lump on my thyroid. Now we were worried! We both went to the worst case scenarios of cancer: suffering, sickness, long-term issues, death... Then we decided to really look into "thyroid cancer" and found quite the opposite of our original fears. We found many creditable resources staying that stage 1 thyroid cancer is 97-100% curable. The common treatment is removal of the thyroid, radiation treatment (radioactive iodine), then thyroid hormone replacement (Synthroid) for the the rest of the person's life. With this new information many of our fears were calmed. But we we're still shaken up and ready to find out more about what we were in for.

I remember the biopsy well. Taylor took off work and we took Nelli to her cousin, Thayne's, house. I remember feeling surprisingly happy and energetic. It was a quick drive to Tacoma. I was feeling a little nervous at the thought of 5 needles going into my neck. I had prayed that I would find strength to do this. I did as Taylor held my hand and as I saw my sweet baby Violet in his other arm. They numbed the area of my neck that they would be poking and Vi gave me a big smile. I laughed -- I know, I laughed... I actually had to keep thinking of sad or serious things to keep me from laughing during the whole biopsy. The Doctor said with a big smile "Well, I've never had that happen before. I get more crying than laughing in this office." This experience reminded me of an experience after praying for help during one hard day of pregnancy with Vi. I had comfort spoken to me that she would bring happiness and laughter into our hearts and home. She sure has!

We were told we should expect the results in no more than two weeks from then. We got a call three days later. I was playing with the girls in the toy room when Dr. Mercado called and asked what I was doing at that moment. She made sure I wasn't driving and that I was sitting down. She told me I had stage 1 papillary thyroid cancer. The lab results on my biopsy cells were 98% positive. She explained a little about the cancer and where we would be going from there. She also gave me some resources for Taylor and I to look into and bring our questions to my next appointment a few days later. I remember her saying, "of all the cancers, this one is the best one to get because of how curable it is at this stage."

The appointment went well and I was told to wean off Violet and get ready for the treatment of thyroid removal, radiation and thyroid hormone replacement. Dr. Mercado recommended that my siblings, especially my sisters and parents get their thyroid checked, due to thyroid problems being genetic. Through this process I found out that both my grandmas and a few extended family members had already been diagnosed with thyroid problems. My cousin Heidi Evans actually had thyroid cancer 7 years ago. I got in contact with her and she was so helpful to talk to!

I saw an ENT, Dr. Cobert, a few weeks later for a consultation on my thyroid removal and set the surgery for February 25, 2014.

The surgery went really well. I puked a lot from the anesthesia the first few hours after, my throat was super sore for a few days, and Violet would swing her hand and hit my neck sometimes. Other than that, the healing wasn’t too bad. Actually I'd say it wasn't any worse than varicose vein surgery I had a few months before. Taylor took off work that week and my Mom (Nana) flew in from Cedar City to help out with my recovery. They were amazing! My girls were so well taken care of and my house was cleaner than it has ever been. I was so spoiled! I got to sleep a lot and when I was awake I received so much love and care. 

Here are some pictures from the 10 days my Mom was here:

 

Just got home from the surgery. Nelli wouldn’t come to me at first. I think she was a little worried. It didn’t take her long to warm up though.

Nana and Violet.

Berry pie. Nana made detailed berries out of play dough. Nana loves berries.

I stocked up on art supplies and activities from IKEA a few weeks before the surgery. So glad! I tried to play and enjoy the girls as much as I could.

 

 

Nana and Nelli went for a lot of walks together and always came back excited with so much to tell about what they saw and heard, i.e. bufflehead ducks, geese, snails, flowers blooming.

Nana helping in the kitchen.

We went to the Chittenden Locks... I love it there!

 

Where's Waldo? Nelli's favorite--she's so good at it!


A few days after surgery we got a call from Dr. Colbert, he had taken out a few lymph nodes around my thyroid and the cancer had spread to one of them. This means that the cancer cells could be spread throughout my body. The treatment and prognosis are the same other than I will receive 50% more radioactive iodine.

I was told to expect a rough month in preparation for the radioactive iodine. I'm on a low-iodine diet, which was a little intimidating at first, but then I found some great recipes on Pinterest. Oh Pinterest, you come in handy! I'm also on no thyroid hormone replacement, which means fatigue and a possibility of a whole slew of unpleasant symptoms. So far I feel so much better than I thought I would. :)

The radiation is a part in not looking forward too. I have to be isolated for 7 days! I will be staying somewhere else. How do you explain to a 3 year old that she can't be near or touch her mommy? Taylor will be taking work off and his Mom will be coming to help him out. Taylor and my other friends and family can come visit for an hour at a time as long as they stay three feet away from me. Man! I'm already looking forward to it being over. I'm craving to hold Violet just thinking about it. I've been taking a lot of pictures and videos of my family hoping between that and Skype it will get me through.

As for support from others, I could have never imagined the outpour of help offered and support we've been given. We can totally do this! We have so many people routing for us and ready to help. We get people almost begging to help watch the girls, cook, clean, get groceries, etc. The sisters in my ward have been volunteering to make us dinners 3-4 times a week. Many of them have spent time looking into the diet. I've seen a new realm of service and love.